First Birthday Not Celebrated


January 18th is a date that I will never forget. I remembering celebrating this date every year for the past 5 years. In the past I would think about this date for months prior to the actual date. I would plan every detail of a present to be something that I thought would be significant and just the right touch of how much I cared. I would think ahead of time what would be the best thing to say to him on this date.

Though this year this date has a little different memory in my head. I remember the heart break shortly after this date. Even though it’s been over a year it still stings at every thought of this time in my life. I thought we would have a future ahead and things would ultimately be the way I wanted. I had no idea that January 20th would come, and I would be sobbing my eyes out from my first real cut at my heart. That’s the date that everything changed. I knew this day could potentially happen, but at the same time I was optimistic and didn’t expect it. Even when it did happen I didn’t believe the truth. I thought there were still a chance that he didn’t mean what he said. I continued to make the excuses for him even though I shouldn’t have been.

After this date he suddenly disappeared out my life for a good while, which looking back I am thankful for. I know if I was still running into him at the usual places it would have made it even harder for me to move on. During this time it was the longest we had ever went without seeing each other. Though this period in my life was hard I learned to accept the situation and how to move on to other possibilities.

I hope one day I get to the point where these dates just become a date like every other day of the year. That I don’t look back on what could have been different. I can tell I’m getting closer to being able to forgetting these dates. I almost forgot this year, but in my heart something still told me that this date was significant.


Scripture Reference

  • “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” ~Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV
  • “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit” ~Psalm 34:18 NIV
  • “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~Isaiah 41:10 NIV
  • “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” ~Matthew 11:28 NIV

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